Saint Polycarp of Smyrna: Patron Saint Against Dysentery and Earaches
How Did He Become a Saint?
Polycarp was a revered Christian leader who hobnobbed with John the Apostle and Ignatius of Antioch. When he was 86 he was sentenced to death, because his pursuers were opposed to just waiting. Polycarp was sentenced to be burned alive, but after being burned at the stake the flames did not harm him, which is truly miraculous. So they decided to stab him to death with daggers and then burn him. Which didn't go so miraculously.
So Why Against Dysentery?
Polycarp may be asking the same question, since the whole not burning could have led to something cool like Patron Saint of Stunt Men. Then again it's better than being for dysentery. Historically, Polycarp was known as a teacher and practical leader, not so much a vessel for supernatural Pepto Bismol. But much of his work was done in areas where people became afflicted with the disorder, and someone's got to take it. He's also against earache, so send some preemptive prayers Polycarp's way before you need help with either, or worse, both.
Possible Prayers:
"Listen bro, I haven't made it to mass while I was down here in Cancun on spring break, but like, I've got some of Montezuma's Revenge going on and I could use a little help."
"Oh, no! Help me Polycarp! I just bought these pants!"